OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
