He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
