I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize