Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
