I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
