I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize