Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
