where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
