I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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