I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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