So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
