Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize