It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
