Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
