you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
