i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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