No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
