how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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