As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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