the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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