Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
