i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize