thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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