I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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