sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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