Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
