the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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