Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
