Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
