I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
