..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
