Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
