I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
