I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
