Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
