Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
