is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
