Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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