I like my sex mixed with concussions.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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