please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
