Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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