Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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