atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
