Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Someone shit on the floor
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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