I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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