I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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