Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
