Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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