I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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