i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
