Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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