Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
