We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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