someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize