doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
