I just saw a hot homeless man
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
