It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
