A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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