This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
