tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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