I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
