I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
