Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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