she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found puke in my bra..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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