Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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