I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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