Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
