I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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