I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
