im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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