You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize