sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
