3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize