absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
