it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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