theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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