I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize