I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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