I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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