I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
