I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
