I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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