You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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