I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My bed smells like the plague
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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