the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
