did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
