I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
