All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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