God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
