Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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