i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
sex in a hospital.. check
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
