I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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