i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
