I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
