Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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