My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
