Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
