The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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