allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
