I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
