its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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