I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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