i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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