I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
