my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
